New Year's Resolutions

Despite what physicists (and occasionally Dilbert) tell us, there is some significance to the moment at midnight on December 31st. For one thing, it marks the moment when cycling magazines and websites start running ambitious stories with titles like "The New You!" and "Make this year your fastest season EVER!" It's also when people (and I include SingleSpeeders in that category) begin to think about New Year's Resolutions. Actually, that's not quite true - if you're organised, you've almost certainly been thinking about them for some time, and are all set to implement them as soon as the bell tolls twelve. Sadly, I'm not quite that good (I tend to be the sort of person who doesn't start drinking up until long after the barman has called last orders).

As a cyclist, it should be relatively easy to think up some resolutions, and if you ask your riding friends what they've though up, there are a standard set of answers (cycle more, stick to a training plan, spend more/less money on the bike/family), but this is a SingleSpeed blog so here are my one geared new year's resolutions for your delight, delectation, and general ridicule:

1. Come up with some witty responses for use when on the verge of meltdown courtesy of being nearly killed again on the roads (if you know any good ones, please leave them in the comments, or tweet @SingleSpeedMike).

2. Grow a cavalier style goatee beard to stroke rakishly in the event of resolution one ever having to be used (all the while addressing everyone as either "my good man," or "you blackguard!" depending on which side of the bike-automotive confrontation they're on).

3. When it gets tough on the bike, stop thinking up Churchillian style speeches ("never have so few men, with so few gears, deserved so much pint, from that barmaid"). It only gets funny looks from my riding buddies.

4. Think up a better name for the people you ride with than "riding buddies." "Buddies," is far too American; "friends," sounds far too wimpy; and "riding mates," sounds dangerously close to having sex with them. Speaking of which...

5. At least when my better half is in the same room, I will not salivate on the internet over bike parts I cannot afford, whether they be carbon fibre or alloy, intended for use on or off the road, with gears or without. (I promise I won't do this, but if you're bound by no such promise, Bikeporn is excellent).

6. Wear or carry at least one comedy item to every race (I used to strap a fluffy squirrel to my handlebars, but sadly Cedric bit the dust last year due to artistic differences with a holly bush).

7. Gurn less, gurn better (this may seem like two in one, but if you've ever seen my face, you'll agree).

8.  Visit more pubs (I feel I've been letting that side of the blog slide recently).

9. Stop giggling when someone asks how many inches [of suspension] my bike has (further to which, stop grinning like a loon when I say "none!").

And finally:

10. Stop attempting to calculate the cadence of the-people-with-which-I-am-riding (that won't do will it?), and then trying to feel a sense of superiority because mine is faster/slower (it's amazing that it works both ways). Trying to do this not only takes my mind off the trail, but also has me staring intensely at other men's legs.

No more promises for a while now, that's all there is to it. It only remains to thank everyone that's reading. You've now spent enough of your collective lives here to push me up to both first and third on Google (not that I check too often). As ever though, if you can think of anything better I should be doing, the comments section is open - as is my Twitter page.

Happy SingleSpeeding New Year!